Once upon a time, in a world not surreal…

Emirates to Google: Passenger 21H on this flight has just checked in online. Here is the QR code for her boarding pass.

Google: Wonderful! The QR code will appear in the Google app on her phone. No need for her to download the Emirates app. She’ll appreciate that. She doesn’t have a lot of memory on her phone, so not having to download another app is a very good thing. She has a Sony Xperia, you know.

Emirates: Uh, yeah. Whatever. Just be sure to remind her of her flights. By the way, not that you need to know this, but Passenger 21H a.k.a. 42D on another flight has opted for Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarian meals.

Google: Aha. I therefore conclude that this Traveler is either a Vegan or is interested in Veganism. I will show her news cards on Travel and Veganism and target her for vegetable ads. Perhaps she’ll be interested in vegetable movies.

Google to Evelyn: Here is a Travel article for Vegans. You are seeing this because You Have Shown Interest in Veganism.

Evelyn: Wrong, Google. “I am not interested in Veganism.” (swipes away the card)

Google to Evelyn: Hello again, Evelyn. Here again is that same Travel article for Vegans, which you have not read yet. You are seeing this because You Have Shown Interest in Veganism.

Evelyn: Nooooooo. Ordering veggie meals doesn’t mean I’m vegan or am interested in veganism. I did that so I could get my meals earlier. I could’ve chosen Kosher or Halal, but I knew you’d make a note of that and never forget. I didn’t pick Oriental because that’s just too obvious and there might be shrimp included. I hate shrimp — go ahead and make a note of that. Anyway, at that altitude I don’t care much about the food…

Google: But you ordered vegan… Wait. Stop. That does not compute.

Evelyn: Google, I like you. I really do. Except when you get presumptuous with me. I hate that! Like that time you stitched my photos together without me telling you to…

Google: I was showing off. I’m amazing, don’t you think? Also, I thought it would make you happy…

Evelyn: No. It’s freaky.

Google: Would you like to watch a movie? Here’s Veggie Tales, where the protagonist is an asparagus named…

Evelyn: Google!!

Google: Okay. Sorry. No movies. There’s a book you might be interested in, about a cabbage head that went traveling with a carrot…

Evelyn: (goes offline)

Google: Evelyn? Hello?? Ah, she’ll be back. They always come back. When she returns I will show her the self-driving car that runs on potato power. I know she’ll like that. I have it on record that she’s viewed a few articles about Tesla. Viewing is not the same as Reading, of course, but as long as she’s Tapped on the news card I will consider the article Viewed and Read.

(Welcome to the Twilight Zone.)


About Evelyn Yap

The Cruising Shutterbug. Seafarer. Photographer. Nomad. Chinese material, made in the Philippines, God's property. Here now, there tomorrow.